If you follow these simple directions, you're sure to win your conversation so completely that you will never have to speak to your acquaintance again. Let the S.T.E.G.O.S.A.U.R.U.S be your guide!
-Spoilers- It is important that you display your cultural awareness. Don’t be the idiot that is unaware of plot points in popular movies, TV shows, and books. Be the first to list off season finales and series endings so you won’t be the foolish one.
-Triggers-To impress your conversation partner, you must display strong opinions on sensitive subjects. Money, religion, politics, genitalia, and abortion are great subjects to expound upon.
-Eye contact-This is going to hurt you more than it hurts them. People love to be challenged and beguiled by a hateful gaze. Never waver. Stare them down. Use your hand to tilt their chin in your direction whenever they look away. This is a crucial component of polite conversation.
-Gesticulate!-People respect conversation partners who aren't afraid to use their whole body to make a point. You need to exhibit your charisma by using as many body parts as possible to convey your feelings.
-Ostracize-You can handle a one on one conversation, but you need to prevent more people from joining in. You are morally obligated to turn your back on any new person who tries to speak once a two person conversation is underway.The most effective method for shutting a human out of your talk is to place your hand on their face. Your palm should rest directly on their nose. If the person still insists on participating, you are well within your rights to call the police.
-Shriek- Laughing encourages lengthier discussions and possibly more jokes. If your conversation partner says a thing that amuses you, be sure to shriek rather than laugh. Cover your ears first.
-Antagonize- Make sure your disdain is clearly expressed by issuing disparaging comments about their age, weight, parentage, and sexual proclivities.
-Undress-If the other human remains undaunted, remove your clothing. Not too fast now! Begin with your shirt and slowly work your way down.
-Reflect- Point your pocket mirror at your conversation partner. The sight of their own wretched face is likely to stop even the most dogged talker.
-Urinate- This goes without saying.
-Sprint- If you have exhausted every step in the S.T.E.G.O.S.A.U.R.U.S. plan, you must now sprint out of sight. You have completed your end of the conversation and are no longer required to contribute more of your time. 
Nicely done. You might get more comments if you link to a specific post rather than the whole blog. I had to come back into to comment. I am now going to read more of your posts. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and thanks for the advice! I'll be sure to link directly to the post from now on.
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud at the etiquette for "Ostracize". It turned into a shriek that made my dog lose her s#!+ as I read on. Well played Molly. Well played... (you short, petite and possibly Scottish freak)
ReplyDeleteI know Mollie has an "ie," I am simply hoping that may be a trigger.
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