Finding Your Dream Job!

How many of you idiots work jobs just so you can make ends meet? You need to pay the bills, get the kids through school, pay off students loans, blah, blah, blah....Guess what. Life isn't supposed to be like that! A wise man (Lenny Kravitz or Abraham Lincoln or whatever) summed it up perfectly when he said, "Follow your dreams! Seize the night, during the day!" Today, I will offer priceless advice on landing your very own DREAM JOB!

1. Keep a Journal- You can't pursue your dream job until you know what it is. Keep a notebook beside your bed or under your pillow so you can write down all of your dreams. In the morning, you'll be surprised by all the crazy-cool shit that you think of. I invented a cure for tricycles last night! Thanks brain!

2. Take a Quiz or Something- The Internet will enable anonymous experts to ask you questions and plot your future. I know this seems tedious, but it will really help you figure out which dream is the best one to follow. I've made all of my life choices by taking online quizzes and I'm totally kickass. Don't hesitate to do the same!
Dream Interpretation
Job Interpretation 
IQ Stuff 
Night Fruit

3. Discover Your Strengths-You can do anything you want because this is America. No one can stop you from becoming an astronaut, a doctor, or an actual hot dog. It is important that you compete in as many contests/auditions/feats of strength as possible. I found that auditioning for the circus was a great way to figure out my dream abilities very quickly!

4. Don't Forget About the Money!- You still need to eat and live inside a building. Before you embark on your dream job hunt make sure to either
a. Inherit money from a death in your family (Uncle Alistair, I'm looking at you!)
b. Dig up buried valuables
c. Trick the bank into giving you money. Protip: Write a check to yourself for "cash" This is a common loophole in the banking system because they are required to give you as much money as you want AS LONG AS IT IS ON A CHECK! Idiots......

5. Be a Champion! - As soon as you've isolated your interest, it is important that you destroy anyone that comes between you and your dream. Locate experts in your chosen field and systematically destroy them. Don't hold back, now. THIS IS YOUR DREAM!